You’ve been there. You know what it feels like to wake up in the morning and wonder if it’s worth it anymore. You know what it feels like to stand under the shower and wish the water could wash it all down or allow it to mix with the hot tears trickling down your cheeks so you don’t feel the pain behind those tears but the water from the shower instead. And there are times that you can’t cry, there’s just a tight feeling sitting in your chest that bites you inside out.
Yes, I know that feeling – pain. I know how it hurts to be the subject of shame and mockery, and too see so many people laugh at your pieces instead of helping you fix them. I know how it feels when people roll into your lives like the wind that comes before heavy rain. They take so much, but give nothing at all. They juice you out, and never care about what happens to you afterward.
I know how it is when it seems as if no one feels your pain. And so when asked how you’re doing, you say, “I’m fine” although you’re bleeding inside. You say “nothing” when everything feels wrong.
Maybe you know pain better than I do. Maybe because no one fully understands, you keep your pain to yourself and that even makes it worse. You struggle to heal slowly with the things that comfort you but then it seems so hard. Too hard. Your throat becomes clogged, your heart becomes heavy and then each time your source of your pain bounces back again in thoughts or reality, your eyes become moist, you begin to wince or wear that dejected look, and it feels as though all hope is gone.
There is still hope. There’s still so much ahead of you. Painful situations exist to make you stronger. Talk to someone you can trust (I know trusting may be hard when you’ve been broken too many times but then there’s always someone somewhere whom you can trust). Better still, throw your burdens on God’s back and leave them there. If God ever feels far off, then you’re the one who isn’t near. Draw near to him and he’d draw near to you.